…it’s been a long time.

There’s never a good time to write anymore.

I wonder if I’ve taken on too much; there’s my full-time job, college classes, and the internet station, not to mention raising a second teenager.  This one’s likely to be tougher than the first.

No, that’s not what’s been bothering me.  It’s something a bit more personal.

It’s the realization that I’m a coward.

It hit me after getting back from the U2 concert last month in Arlington.  We had been in line to get in the show four hours, when the call came for everyone to put their chairs and other personal items back in their vehicles.  All the others in their party took their stuff back while I held our place.

After they left, a couple of college-aged guys walked up and got in line next to me like they had been there all day.  I didn’t say anything.  It the young woman in line behind me to firmly explain to them that they couldn’t cut line.  We’d been there since 8 a.m., and we weren’t giving up our place in line for those Johnnies-come-lately.

That stuck with me, and I didn’t really know why until the drive home.  I didn’t speak up because I was afraid.  I didn’t want to stir anything up, or deal with any negative outcome.

It was then I’d realized how often, in different situations, I’d done the same thing. I’ve not investigated job opportunities because I was afraid I’d fail.  I stayed in a living hell of a marriage for years because I was afraid of what the kids would think if I filed for divorce. I don’t talk politics anymore, let alone religion.

Even now, I’ve let fear keep me from telling a very special woman the full extent of how much I love her, because I’m afraid of being rejected.  I can write that here because I’m quite sure she won’t be reading this.

I don’t write anymore because every time I try, the end result sounds really stupid.

I’m tired of being afraid.  I don’t know how to change.  I don’t even know if I can.

Well, enough keep looking for the “Der Kommissar” post (which I’m too lazy to link to; you can find it in the archives), but I really haven’t posted anything since before the beginning of summer.

Just in case you were wondering — and if you were, God bless you — Project 42 Radio is streaming. Right. NOW!  There’s pop, rock and else I could find from the last four decades, with an emphasis on music that’s fun to sing along with, tap your feet to, or play your air instrument of choice.  I hope you’ll try it out.  You can request a song from the playlist (and it’s a BIG one), too.

Posts here may still be infrequent, but they should be a bit less infrequent going forward.  Expect to see more stuff from everyday life here, as writing about it helps me to sort things out.  I won’t be telling everything, though.  This isn’t Jerry Springer.

(Do you know how hard it is to come up with a clever title using the letter “F” without sounding obscene?)

So, it’s two weeks until Project 42 Radio launches, and the lists continue…

• Foreigner
• Fountains of Wayne
• The Four Seasons
• Franke & The Knockouts
• Frankie Smith
• Frankie Valli
• Franz Ferdinand

Might as well jump…

• The Fray
• Fred Knoblock
• Freddie Jackson
• Free
• Freedy Johnston
• Frida
• Frijid Pink
• Frozen Ghost
• Fuel
• Funkadelic
• Fuzz

Remember, if it’s not Project 42, it’s not a whole bunch of songs and a guy with too much time on his hands!

Project 42 Radio launches in 2 weeks.  Here’s more of the artists you’ll be able to hear..

• EMF
• The Eagles
• Earth, Wind and Fire
• Ebn-Ozn
• Echo and the Bunnymen
• Eddie & The Hot Rods
• Eddie Kendricks
• Eddie Money
• Eddie Rabbitt

(Don’t stop now.  There’s more after the jump!)

• Eddie Vedder
• Eddy Grant
• Edgar Winter Group
• Edie Brickell & The New Bohemians
• Edwin McCain
• Edwin Starr
• Edwyn Collins
• Eiffel 65
• Electric Light Orchestra
• Elliot Yamin
• Elton John
• Elvis Costello
• Elvis Presley
• The Emotions
• En Vogue
• England Dan & John Ford Coley
• Enigma
• Enya
• Erasure
• Eric Burdon
• Eric Clapton
• Eric Heatherly
• Eruption
• Europe
• Eurythmics
• Evan & Jaron
• Evanescence
• Eve 6
• Evelyn “Champagne” King
• Everclear
• Everything But The Girl
• Expose
• Extreme

Fifteen days to the official launch of Project 42 Radio!  Here’s some of the artists you’ll hear…especially if you listen all the time.  Really, you should just implant the headphones now and save the wait.

• DC Talk
• DHT
• DJ Jazzy Jeff and the Fresh Prince
• DNA
• Dakota Moon
• Damn Yankees
• Dan Baird
• Dan Hartman
• Dana Glover
• Daniel Bedingfield

Lots more after the jump…

• Danny Wilson
• Daryl Hall (solo)
• Daughtry
• Dave & Ansell Collins
• Dave Edmunds
• Dave Mason
• Dave Matthews Band
• David & David
• David Bowie
• David Cook
• David Dundas
• David Essex
• David Gray
• David Lee Roth
• The Dazz Band
• De La Soul
• DeBarge
• Dead Or Alive
• Death Cab For Cutie
• Debbie Gibson
• Deee-Lite
• Deep Blue Something
• Deep Purple
• Def Leppard
• Default
• Del Amitri
• Delbert McClinton
• Delerium
• Delta Spirit
• Deniece Williams
• Dennis Coffey & the Detroit Guitar Band
• Dennis DeYoung
• Deon Estus
• Depeche Mode
• Des’ree
• Destiny’s Child
• Devo
• Dexter Freebish
• Dexy’s Midnight Runners
• Diamond Rio
• Diana King
• Diana Ross
• Dido
• Dierks Bentley
• Diesel
• Dionne Farris
• Dire Straits
• The Dirt Band
• Dirty Vegas
• Dishwalla
• The Dixie Chicks
• Dobie Gray
• Doctor And The Medics
• Dog’s Eye View
• Don Henley
• Don McLean
• Donald Fagen
• Donna Lewis
• Donna Summer
• Donnie Iris
• The Doobie Brothers
• Double
• Dr. John
• Dr. Hook
• Dramarama
• The Dream Academy
• Dropkick Murphys
• Dropline
• Duffy
• Duncan Sheik
• Duran Duran
• Dwight Twilley
• Dwight Yoakum

More to come…

Trying to decide how to build the rest of the Project 42 site is driving me nuts.  It’s been years since I put a site together on my own.  My HTML-fu is very, very weak…and not let’s even get into content management software.  That stuff makes my head spin.

I want to offer information on what’s currently playing, and let you all request songs.  I can get those pages uploaded, but they look so…1999.  This is where my struggle with perfectionism comes to the fore.  I can’t get it perfect, so I do nothing.  This means a lot to me, and I want it to be good…augh.

I can’t afford to hire a professional, so I have to do this myself.  I hope it’s not too ugly when I’m finished.

Project 42 Radio goes live June 30.  Here’s some of the artists you’ll hear.

• C&C Music Factory
• C.W. McCall (“Convoy”)
• Calloway
• Cake
• Cameo
• Camouflage
• Camper Van Beethoven
• Candlebox
• Captain and Tennille
• Captain Hollywood Project

More after the jump…

• Carbon Leaf
• Carl Carlton
• Carl Douglas
• Carly Simon
• Carole King
• Carolina Liar
• Carolyn Dawn Johnson
• Carrie Underwood
• The Cars
• Cascada
• Cathy Dennis
• Ce Ce Peniston
• Chad Kroeger
• Chairmen Of The Board
• Chaka Khan
• The Chambers Brothers
• Champaign
• Charles & Eddie
• Charles Wright and the 103rd Street Band
• Charlie Daniels Band
• Charlie Dore
• Charlie Feathers
• Charlie Sexton
• Cheap Trick
• Cher
• Cherry Poppin’ Daddies
• Cheryl Lynn
• Chesney Hawkes
• Chi Coltrane
• The Chi-Lites
• Chic
• Chicago
• Chilliwack
• China Crisis
• Chris DeBurgh (NOT “The Lady In Red”)
• Chris Isaak
• Chris Rea
• Christina Aguilera
• Christine McVie
• Christopher Cross
• Chumbawumba
• Citizen King
• City Boy
• The Clash
• Cliff Richard
• Climax Blues Band
• Climie Fisher
• Club Nouveau
• Cock Robin
• Colbie Calliat
• Coldplay
• Collective Soul
• Collin Raye
• Commander Cody and his Lost Planet Airmen
• The Commodores
• Con-Funk-Shun
• Concrete Blonde
• The Contours
• Corey Hart
• Corinne Bailey Rae
• Cornelius Brothers & Sister Rose
• Corona
• The Corrs
• Count Five
• Counting Crows
• Crabby Appleton
• The Cranberries
• Crash Test Dummies
• Crazy Elephant
• Cream
• Creedence Clearwater Revival
• Crosby, Stills & Nash
• Crowded House
• Crystal Waters
• Culture Beat
• Culture Club
• Cutting Crew
• Cyndi Lauper
• Cyndi Thompson

That’s Project 42…so many songs, at least some of them are bound not to suck.

Here’s one from a band that should have escaped their cult status.  The Call earned many positive reviews for their 1982 debut.  Their literate, passionate works earned a small but devoted following throughout the 80s.  Let The Day Begin, released in 1989, was likely their most radio-friendly work. The rousing title track was their biggest hit, reaching number one on the album rock charts and number 51 on the Top 40.

The song’s insistent bassline and driving guitars combine with undercurrents of optimism and big arena rock hooks.  The result is a song that’s equally fun to listen to at the start of a day, or driving down the open road with the top down and the stereo cranked to eleven.

The other day, while driving to work, the hood of my car came loose and slammed into my windshield.  I quickly pulled over and brought the car to a halt.

I remember two distinct emotions occuring within seconds.  The first was fright, of course.  It isn’t every day you have a large piece of metal trying to slam you in the face.  Thank the Lord for safety glass.

The second emotion, which followed quickly on the heels of the first, was anger.  “Dang!  How am I going to pay to get this fixed??!?!?” That’s what occupied my mind until my dad and brother-in-law arrived to take the car home and to drive me to work.

It wasn’t until I finally got into work that it hit me.  The windshield could have shattered.  I could have been riddled with glass shards, like some grotesque walking cactus.  I could have been severely injured, or worse. Instead, my mind was occupied with how much my meager bank account would be drained.

I suppose I was due for a wake-up call.  I shared with some people what I felt in the seconds after the accident.  They all looked at me as if they couldn’t understand why I wasn’t happy that I was not harmed. Why wasn’t I happy about that?

That attitude, is, really, pathetic.  I’m pathetic.  It’s a good thing God loves me anyway, despite all that.

The accident, and the conversations after, helped me realize I’ve been focusing my sights much too often on those things I deem bad.  I’ve focused so much on them, I haven’t seen the good things that, to others, are as plain as day.

God help me to see the good in cirumstances, and in people, before I become a bitter old man yelling at the kids to get off his lawn.

• B-52s
• BBMak
• Bachman-Turner Overdrive
• Bad Company
• Bad English
• Badfinger
• Baha Men
• Baltimora
• Bananarama
• Barenaked Ladies
• Barry White
• Bay City Rollers
• Bazuka
• Beach Boys
• Beatles
• Beck
• Bee Gees
• Belinda Carlisle
• Bell & James
• Belouis Some
• Ben Folds Five
• Ben Harper
• Berlin
• Better Than Ezra
• Beyonce
• Big & Rich
• Big Audio Dynamite
• Big Country
• Big Mountain
• Big Star
• Bill Withers
• Billy Idol
• Billy Joel
• Billy Ocean
• Billy Paul
• Billy Preston
• Billy Squier
• Billy Vera & The Beaters
• Bingoboys
• Black Box
• Black Eyed Peas
• Black Oak Arkansas
• Blackbyrds
• Blackfoot
• Blackout All-Stars
• Blake Shelton
• Blessid Union Of Souls
• Blind Melon
• Blink-182
• Blondie
• Blue Cheer
• Blue October
• Blue Oyster Cult
• Blue Ridge Rangers
• Blue Swede
• Blues Brothers
• Blues Magoos
• Blues Traveler
• Bo Bice
• Bo Donaldson & The Heywoods
• Bob & Doug McKenzie, eh?
• Bob Dylan
• Bob Marley
• Bob Seger
• Bob Welch
• Bobbie Gentry
• Bobby Bloom
• Bobby Brown
• Bobby Caldwell
• Bon Jovi
• Boney M
• Bonnie Raitt
• Booker T & the MGs
• Boomtown Rats
• Boston
• Bourgeois Tagg
• Bow Wow Wow
• Bowling For Soup
• Box Tops
• Boys Don’t Cry
• Boy Meets Girl
• Boys Like Girls
• Boyz II Men
• Boz Scaggs
• Brad Paisley
• Bram Tchaikovsky
• Breakfast Club
• Breaking Point
• Breeders
• Brewer & Shipley
• Brian McKnight
• Brian Setzer
• Brick
• Brighter Side Of Darkness
• Brook Benton
• Brooks & Dunn
• Brothers Johnson
• Brownsville Station
• Bruce Hornsby
• Bruce Springsteen
• Bryan Adams
• Bryan Ferry
• Buckcherry
• Buckner & Garcia
• Buffalo Springfield
• Buggles
• Bullet
• Bush
• Butterfly Boucher